Well Planned is Half Done

It’s been several months since I’ve written an update…apparently my resolution to update as things happen and not months later hasn’t taken hold yet. 😀 As usual, a lot has happened and changed since January.  I’m hoping that, although things haven’t gone as I’ve wanted them to these first 6 months of the year, that things are going to be better by the end of this year than they have been for me in the last 19 years!

In my last post, I had told you about starting pelvic floor therapy and the possibility of getting into a new doctor in town.  Well, I am no longer in pelvic floor therapy until I can get my chronic pain under control because my therapist said that the intensive therapy will not permanently help until I do not have the cause of the pelvic floor dysfunction present and hindering my progress.  For now, I just have some exercises to do at home to try to help ease some of the pain.  On a brighter note, my therapist called in a favor to that new doctor in town for me, and on February 18, David and I went in for my initial consultation.  He did not do any tests, but he reviewed my records with us, and he said he would try giving me Letrozole and monitoring me closely to see if we could conceive naturally.  Our plan was to take one cycle of Letrozole and try naturally, and if that didn’t work, we would try another round of the medication but with another IUI.  With that plan in place, I started the medication.  I was stressing out because David was set to leave for PA the day after my ultrasound appointment that would let us know the status of the effects of the medication and impending ovulation.  What I didn’t know was that this was the least of my problems.

Shortly after starting the medication, I started to feel a lot of pain on my left side.  This can be somewhat unusual for me, as my most frequent pain is in the middle of my abdomen as well as on my right side.  On March 7, I went into the doctor’s office for a follicle check ultrasound.  I let my doctor know about the unusual pain in my left side.  Once he uttered the words, “This is strange…” and told the nurse to come get a closer look, I knew this cycle wasn’t going to go as planned.  Not only did I have 3 small endometriomas on my right ovary (again!), but I had a hard mass on my left side that the doctor said he would assume was endometriosis, but he wasn’t sure.  It is completely adhered to my uterus and my left ovary (you know – the one that grew back!).  He told me to come meet him in his office for a chat.  That’s never good – and this time was no different.  He proceeded to tell me that for my safety, he needed to suspend all further fertility treatments and that he recommends I have surgery ASAP to remove the mass and endometriomas and clear out as much of the scarred tissue, adhesions, and endometriosis as possible.  If I had that done, he would consider trying more infertility treatments.

This was devastating news.  It was apparent that I wouldn’t be getting pregnant any time soon – and the mention of another necessary surgery was overwhelming.  This will be surgery number 7.  7 surgeries in the last 7 years.  Ironic.  He said he would recommend that I pursue the Center for Endometriosis Care in Georgia because if he tried to do the surgery here, it would be a major surgery not only internally but externally too since he doesn’t have the robotic technology to do it laparoscopically like they do in Georgia.  Just like with the Mayo Clinic, I was now facing unfamiliar doctors in an unfamiliar place with frustrating logistics to consider.  Back to square one.

Are you still with me? I know this is a lot of information!  I did go on to talk with the doctors in Georgia, and I will explain all of that in my next post.  I PROMISE this one will happen soon and not 5 months from now. 😀  

Some days, I feel like the fight has completely been drained from me.  Other days, I remember to count my blessings and push through.  I had this interesting conversation with members of my family recently.  I hear from people A LOT who start to confide their struggles to me, but then pause and say, “I know I shouldn’t complain about this because you have it SO much worse than I do…”.  As I said to my family recently, there are sadly MANY, MANY people who have it way worse than I do.  Way worse.  And while I admire their strength and cannot imagine being in their shoes, the fact that they have a different struggle than me doesn’t make my journey any easier.  Just the same – just because I might have constant pain in my abdomen, and you are having a few bad days, doesn’t make your bad days suddenly vanish.  Your pain matters.  Your struggle matters.  Life isn’t a competition of who has it worse.  Let’s support each other.  Lift each other up.  Let’s listen when a friend needs someone to listen, and let’s not compare our struggles.  Life is hard enough with all of the unexpected twists, turns, and challenges.  Let’s not add to this by also adding in unnecessary competition.  Instead of comparing bad days, my goal is to share this very personal journey of mine in hopes that someone can relate and maybe learn something along the way.  There have been many times I have not posted updates because I worry that people will judge me or feel like I’m looking for sympathy.  Well, judge away – and I do not want any sympathy.  What I want is to share my story and help other people not feel alone.  I had a coworker tell me that her cousin’s daughter was recently diagnosed with endometriosis.  While this news breaks my heart, it renewed my purpose in sharing this story because she said that she would have never known to suggest to her cousin to ask about endometriosis had she not read my blog.  Had this little girl not been diagnosed young and now know to look for educated doctors who do not spread the myths that so many do, she may have spent all of her teen years as well as her twenties searching for proper treatment.  She may be 29 years old and finally heading to Georgia to meet with REAL specialists of this damn disease.  THAT is why I continue to write.